Before you kill yourself…deadhead the roses!



In the event of your needing to immediately kill yourself

Because there is absolutely no way out of the pit or hole!

By poison, hanging, drowning, cutting your throat etc.

Consider this: before you begin the bad beheading of


Yourself or the crushing of your breath, first talk to your

Garden for the very last time! How can you forget that friend

Which put a dash of color and scent inside each and every

Ghastly or fairly happy day? And listened to your silent whines

polka dots

Even tolerated your cats beheading the begonias and eating them?

So check out the garden before slitting off your throat or fatally

Fouling your food: first deadhead the darned roses that will

Not survive without their double drink of water, and they can’t be


Bothered about your bruises or your boils or your battered heart!

It wasn’t their fault that the mountain of mess fell down upon you!

And as you are at it, don’t forget to water the zinnias and the celosias


They too are water guzzlers and pay up their dues with floral clocks

Before you mangle and mutilate yourself just remember your dues to

Those darling polka dots, the green and white, pink and white and

red and white reliable angels that sprang up like ballerinas in your

friend’s balcony when she was reeling with the rubble of her young

daughter’s murder by the hands of her jealous husband, the lost child etc.


so water the entire family of your polka dots, as they too drink up

very greedily and yet manage to grow for you even when you forget

this reminds us of your philodendrons (which are dangerous for your cats)

but which will tenderly, adoringly grow anywhere and everywhere, even


and especially inside kettles, mugs, jugs, whisky bottles, and plain water!

They will put out their brown and bronze and golden hearts for you alone

Even if you forget to give them their water for more than five days!

And then finally, don’t forget your cats either! Remember to thank them

For their shockingly immense generosity for not having died at the hands of

your massive stock Of philodendrons, as only recently you have learnt

That this plant should be kept away from felines! Without you warning them,

The cats kept away from philodendrons, ivies, azaleas, holly, geraniums,

Mistletoe, morning glories, impatiens poinsettia, oleanders and more!


They lived on to purr for you and show you better sleepier uses for

Your best handbag, your laptop, your microwave, your dresses, books etc!

And after you have dealt with all these chores, you can go back to what you

Were planning to do, but can you remember now, what exactly this was?!!

pics and text: daksha



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